Sorry I haven’t been very active this past month. It’s been crazy with working at Walmart (as the only female cart-pusher) and being a distance student at United. For a tiny update on my life, I bought adult health insurance today. HEALTH INSURANCE! And on top of that, dental insurance too! Now I’m just waiting for my insurance cards to come in the mail. We’ll be using our insurance cards right away with seeing doctors and dentists and all that.
Although I don’t have much to write about for you guys, I do have something small: A tiny testimony about praying to our Heavenly Father. Here it goes.
THERE are times when I don’t know if Heavenly Father is there. There aren’t as many biblical Unitarian Christians out there as there are those who believe in the Trinity, and oftentimes I have to support my faith with snippets of others’ faith stories. I feed off mostly Mormon faith testimonies (although I am hoping to join the LDS Church after I retire as a pastor. Long story, I’ll explain later…).
I feel that there is this God Almighty out there, but I cannot see him. I try to keep the faith in a God that is an Eternal Spirit. It’s not easy. I bet most people think that with my spiritual posts on Instagram, that I must be SO SURE of a God out there, but I’m not. There MUST be a God out there – that is all I know for sure.
Praying to an invisible God is hard. Most of the time, I feel foolish and wonder if he’s even there listening. Like, does God even exist? – THAT question scares me. Gone are my days of firm belief, where I was so sure that a God existed. Building a faith of your own, let alone a faith hardly anybody else believes in is incredibly difficult. Sustaining a lonely faith feels impossibly stupid.
But a couple of weeks ago, I went to church and we read the United Church of Christ faith affirmation (in our Disciples hymnal), and is said very plainly: We believe in you, O God the Eternal Spirit. My heart was quickened when I read that. I realized that others, even in Trinitarian form, believed in a spirit God. With other’s faith testimonies of a God existing to back me up in church that day, I knew that God, the Eternal Spirit of our world that feeds us the words of Christ and delivers us from all our fears, was with us. The Almighty Mystery and Intimate Father was and is by our side. With Christ as his arm reaching out to us, we are never alone. Our prayers are heard, even as I doubt that this very minute.
Someday I’ll gain enough of a testimony. For now, I know that the Almighty is there, whether he’s the Lutheran God, the Mormon God, or just the Unitarian God. He’s there.
Alleluia and Amen.